REFLECTIONS ON THE FIRST HALF OF 2020: OUR INNER CHILD AND PATTERNS WE'VE ALLOWED TO MAINTAIN US
I always heed the call to go where I'm guided, and this year my guidance system has led me to some of the most impactful, inspiring, and eye-opening situations in my adult life that I had to witness and experience to get to where I am now. As I come to close a cycle of intense mental, emotional, and spiritual learning, observation, and recalibration this first half of 2020, I find the biggest reflection shines a spotlight on our choices to maintain alignment with our inner selves and connection to our inner child. Why would someone give it up? When does someone settle into becoming jaded or removed emotionally? Why do we let pain from our past (or even our present) hold the captain's post to our life ship?
It comes down to PATTERNS that we ALLOW develop, many times by default, because these patterns of thoughts, reactions, behaviors can sneak up on us so that we don't see it until we look back through the lens of hindsight. Some may think it's too late or too challenging to change, while others readjust and choose to shift into better mindsets, more easily done when we stay in touch with our inner child, which also does the job of helping maintain alignment within ourselves. As I navigated through these interesting and choppy waters these past months (having gone through experiences that brought to light my own patterns and relationship with my inner child), I realized that many have a hard time reestablishing a connection to their inner child because at some point they left it to fight some old demons ALL ON ITS OWN. So in order to make friends with it, many first have to face the demons alongside that inner child before getting to the wonderful, inspiring, more joyful aspects the inner child connection can bring to one's life. And some people simply don't want to or aren't ready yet. And that's okay.
Here's a short summary of some of what I experienced for more insight into what I've been ruminating over and meditating on for some time. And there is zero judgment here, just observing and understanding in the way I do my life work, with ultimate love and compassion and wanting the very best for everyone involved.
I visited with 3 friends from childhood this year that I hadn't seen in many years, drawn to them for one reason or another. One thing they had in common was that they all lost a parent or both parents, plus some. As I spent time with them, I began clearly seeing how each person carried their losses. 2 had very "serious grown-up" jobs/careers but despite that, maintained a certain joyful aspect in the way they approached the conversation/interaction about certain topics. Their inner child was still with them in the way they spoke of future dreams/hopes & recent scenarios, and how they embraced our reunion so that their younger self shone out of them and we were back to being pals having a playdate. I felt GOOD. SAFE. CONNECTED. They had established patterns since the time of their great losses that allowed them to focus on the treasures of the present moment (of our reunion for example) even if we spoke of death, grief, or heavier life things.
The remaining friend was a bit different. You could feel great tension in the way he spoke of his losses, past hurts...feelings of anger and unresolved thoughts/feelings clouded around him like Pigpen from the Peanut Gang, and he made a career out of seeking joy mostly OUTSIDE of himself with using drugs as escape mechanisms, keeping surface level energies around him, prioritizing his outward image, and literally gating himself off from the world, among other things. It took a long time to feel a connection because it took a long time for him to put his guards down, even just a bit. This individual had clearly allowed patterns to take hold in him that indicated a clear severance of his inner child so that much of our interactions felt a bit like an interview rather than a reunion. While I'm usually called to situations to help others, I found myself learning a whole lot about me as I found myself with one of most guarded personalities I'd come across who didn't seem interested in allowing his inner child to come forth in the playdate aspect I experienced with the other 2. In his desire to feel safe behind his walls, I later realized that I felt somewhat unsafe.
Now, the big difference between the 2 and the 1 friend was in the way they consulted with their inner child in creating or allowing certain thought patterns to take place on a daily basis. The first 2 never let go of that inner spark and walked alongside them in battle during the hardest times of loss, pain and confusion. In essence, they spared themselves from becoming jaded and weary. Meanwhile, the other 1 left his inner child sort of stranded there, like so many do when fear, grief, and overwhelming emotions take hold and there's no formula for navigating through it.
Ultimately no one is better or worse, weaker or stronger, but we all have Awareness - of parts that are missing or disconnected within ourselves. We're alive so we're aware. We can feel when we're in need of self care, self love, self healing. But sometimes we get into such patterns of being jaded or untrusting or blaming others that we don't see how we can be pushing away the very thing we've been asking for...a light to show us the way to a happier life, even if just our own mindsets needing retweaking. And that starts with the relationship with all the aspects of you, starting with your inner child, trusting it's still there waiting and always will be. And trusting that to fight the demons alongside them may not be as bad as you think, but turn out to be an intriguing challenge that will yield unimaginable treasures.
Given the state of the world at this time, it won't hurt to bring more play, intrigue, delight, and alignment into the mix. Start now, start later, but just make sure you start.
You deserve to feel aligned, happy, and loved.
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